Taking on yourself.

My last blog was about the impending end of a season. Well, the end of a season came sooner than I had planned or wanted. But as I have written before, when the body says no, we are should listen and heed otherwise it will MAKE us. Just when you think you have control, you are reminded that you have very little.

My body has been nagging me in the form of lower leg issues and pain in the left leg for about a month now. Nag, nag, nag. I tried all sorts of things: icing, heating, stretching, not stretching, massage, anti-inflammatory drugs, physical therapy. Alas, I have run through it one too many times and when I went out Tuesday to do my track workout I heard a firm NO from myself when I could hardly run a stride on the grass without intense, sharp pain.

Still, the "I never don't finish a workout, let alone stop!" reared it's ugly, large and nasty head at me and I was reduced to bitter tears when I answered back, "F-you! I can't do it." And so, I ran/limped back to my hotel room and pouted for awhile. All the similar ghosts came and I swatted at them and even let some of them envelope me. The, "you are a wuss", "look at you, quitter", "how bad did it really hurt?", "I could probably try to race", "you only ran 30 minutes, you QUIT your workout, what the hell?!" Yes, it all came and I let it - fighting meekly. And then, let it go because the alternative does no good.

Why is it we take stock of everything that is wrong before we can appreciate accomplishments, great moments, the goals realized and the dreams brought into reality. Personal records are forgotten, wins and near wins are trumped by 'that one race'.

I know that I will be back at it soon enough. Hamstrings heal, attitudes improve and the cycle begins again. But in the meantime...time to enjoy the rest. Even if it is forced.

And then it's gone...

I always remind myself at the beginning of the summer that it will pass quickly and furiously. And it does. Just when I think there is loads of time for all the lovely, daring, and fascinating things that I want to do, POOF, it's gone. Thus, to try and capture and enjoy every note of the summer I am compiling a list of what these glorious months mean to me.

Summer to me is many things, but here are just a few:
- Crack of dawn summer runs to beat the heat.
- Saturday morning yoga in the park.
- Crisp, cool, and refreshing G & T's nearly every day.

- Dusty parking lots full of pre-funkers at outdoor concerts and festivals (Braun Brothers Reunion is my all time high of the summer).
- Long, warm nights around the fire pit playing music and talking with friends.
- Drake's constant panting to cool himself off and the way he collapses with drama on the wood floor when it's just too hot.

- Annual fourth of July hiking trip to Boulder Lake, especially when Jesse is there - because he hikes like I do...FAST.

- Any moment with the Saunders clan.
- Watching my garden go from tiny little plants to luscious full-grown
food-producing machines - nothing like biting into a tomato warmed by a 90+ degree day or using freshly harvested basil to cook with.
- Camping at Wildhorse.


I think I could go on but I am going to stop there. I want YOU to compile a list of what summer means and remember, summer can feel like it will last forever and then . . . it's gone.

The end is where we start from.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make the end is to make the beginning. The end is where we start from." - T.S. Eliot.

With this quote in mind, I approach the end of a racing season. This is an interesting and even exciting thing for me. Interesting because it is change and thus a tad bit frightening, and exciting because I am tired. Don't get me wrong, I love racing. If I had it my way my body would be invincible, my mind would never tire, and I would never take a break. But as my grandma says, 'you can wish in one hand and sh** in the other and see which one fills up faster' and so...I take breaks when they are called for.

Next Friday, I will step onto the track for my final race of the season and then off the track and into break time. Break time for me is usually about three weeks, one week of not running at all, one week of running when I want to, and one week of light, structured running. In the meantime, I double up on yoga, hike to my hearts content, and maybe this time around I will try a little rock climbing with my friends Jayne and Geoff.

What does an end mean for/to you? Is it a beginning or just that, an end?

For me, it's all one big journey of starting, stopping, turning around, re-routing, and so on.